I think we are all accustomed to the tale of Narcissus, or have at least heard the term ‘narcissist’. Narcissus, blessed with incomparable beauty by the gods, and a wondrous hunter in his day, became enamored with himself. Too proud to take any lovers from his fellow mortals, he spent his time gazing into a pond where his own reflection captivated him. He wasted away before his own image, sorrowful that he could do nothing more than stare. No matter how far he reached, what he thought he desired was unattainable. And he was completely unaware of the reflection’s likeness to himself.
How like Narcissus we modern people are. So full of ourselves and so deceived and ignorant that we can't see how much passion and lust we have for our broken bodies and minds.
This is the first article in a series that I introduced here, where I pledged myself to the arduous quest — both for my own personal growth and because I believe it so prevalent in today’s culture — of exposing some of what I think are the Enemy’s infamous tactics to derail human and divine flourishing. I am no expert. I don’t know much. I don’t claim to be a theologian or a demonologist. Merely, I want to muse upon this topic and create fodder for our minds to chew on. In my brainstorming, I immediately grasped on this idea: the idea of worship of self. The two ideas, self-idolization and glorification of evil, are really one and the same.
Let’s think back to the story of the creation and fall of man. Genesis talks about the image of God being formed from the dust. How precious and right man was, and what his role was for: to honor and care for goodness, as well as spread it wheresoever he was made to go. ‘Goodness’ was anything that God had blinked into existence from nothing e.g. the animals, plants, waters, lands, etc. Creativity was the second gift, after life itself. But creativity within ordered boundaries, with restraint, was not enough. The chaos looked more beautiful still. We all know the narrative to some length. We fell in love with what we wanted more — power and dominion before all else. Before obedience, before love of fellow man. In the taking of the fruit, humanity turned its back to a True Lover to stare into the bottomless pond of our own self reflected beauty.
Mirror Lovers.
That is what we have become. From the top of our heads to the bottom of our toes, we all love (or absolutely loath) ourselves. In the modern age, there are more ways than ever to be captivated by the true lover: our own flawless reflection.
Don’t lose your heads when I say ‘flawless’. This isn’t another conservative (or liberal) hate post on self-love or how self-care is going to send us all to hell, making us all little selfish devils running about bent on destruction of all else. My goal isn’t to ‘get an ideology across’, so much as I am processing my own thoughts and sharing all of them pell mell. It’s somewhat of an organized brain dump, this publication. Like it, don’t like it. You’re free to click off this page if it upsets. But I would rather you ‘hear’ me out and allow my thoughts to spiral to the end before you start boiling. Listen, yesterday I took a steaming hot bath with Dr. Teal’s epsom salts and lavender essential oil, while I read about the Highly Sensitive Person which I believe to be a perfectly real phenomenon, of which I believe myself to be a party of. I mention that because I’m not on one fanatic side or the other when it comes to caring for our souls, hearts, and bodies well. Although I suppose everybody’s idea of what a fanatic is ranges widely these days. This post is detailing my thought process on how worship of self ultimately leads to Satanic temples and baby-killing mills. Not about whether we should wear 100% cotton clothing or buy Shein brand pants, nor about why or why not somebody should have a skincare regimen.
Let’s all just be real here, and not harbor preconceived hidden judgments on what people believe before we know what they believe. Back to the topic. I just thought I ought to pause there and double back to warn before proceeding.
While I was thinking on what to detail here, I thought about what the word ‘worship’ actually means, and somebody gave me an excellent definition: whatever we worship is the sole passion of our whole life. And I think that we can narrow that down to two ultimate choices: 1) our own pleasure (or ourselves) 2) something so greatly beyond ourselves that we have no choice but to serve it or them, because our reason and hearts demand it. You may laugh, because there are so many things we could give our lives to today. But truthfully, they must all end in one of the two mentioned options. Food, beauty, wealth, a pet, knowledge, renown, honor, gentleness, charity. All good things, especially the virtues. But let us recall the *rather overused* 1 Corinthians 13 passage:
Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.
But let me extend it, and let’s reread below:
Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love [for God or Something higher than myself], I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love [for God or Something higher than myself], I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love [for God or Something higher than myself], it profits me nothing.
Nothing availeth our own sinful lusts. And anything that amounts to being the passion of our lives is a lust and a sin, unless it be rightly placed on the Creator.
My hearts begins to feel heavy as I feel the weight of my own reflection grinning evilly back at me, as I write these words. I am perhaps the most selfish of all, though I hate to say that as if it were a boast. If it were, it would be a dishonorable thing to boast of. I write this not to lambast the mainstream culture (because culture is made up of people), but because I sorrow for the loss of generations of those who have no idea who they are. Who waste away to skin and bones (literally) in front of a mirror, attempting to undo who they are for love or hate of who they are or have become. Like the painting of Mr. Dorian Gray, the longer that we fulfill our lusts and give into chaotic darkness, the more ugly the glances become that we happen to see in the reflective pond.
And now to address why I believe what self-worship — as I have now described it — leads to the worship of the demonic powers. When Lucifer fell from Heaven, it was not because he wanted to be like God, but because he absolutely did not. He had no intention of continuing to be a son on the Divine Counsel, if he could not own himself utterly and completely. Self-autonomy. That is what caused the great and terrible downfall of this angel, this man (for lack of better word — indulge me) of light. “Satanism is a love affair with the self,” said one Satanist.
Slavery is cloaked in power and validation. Self-love as the ultimate passion of our lives will be the end of humanity. If I could share with you the picture of what I think autonomy (as modernity claims it to be) will do to the human race, it is this:
or this:
Eventually, our desire for our own personal goodness or godhood cloaked under things like —
career being the highest priority above family and marriage,
masking all of who we are underneath our sexual preferences and who we want to sleep with,
being part of that ‘it’ group,
engaging in a relationship, whether caring or abusive, in order to be loved and noticed primarily, EVEN if we care in turn for that person, for our care lasts so long as we gain attention, negative or not, from the other party,
climbing to the top of the corporate ladder so that we may be able to obtain the job and income count of our dreams, while on the way up, friendship and servitude and the natural familial relations are neglected,
going to church primarily so that we may obtain a pat on the back or a resounding, ‘you’re validated and loved here!’,
saying yes constantly to our comfortability while those who would benefit from our help are floundering,
constantly indulging in our ‘for me’ pages on social media, where we are tailor fed posts, reels, shorts, tweets, threads, etc. of peoples’ lives that match our conception of what we want our own life to be about.
But I digress. None of these things are bad in and of themselves. They are amoral. It is in the heart of the corrupted person that they become objects of self-worship. Ultimately, as I said previously, they themselves are not the object of worship, for if they yielded nothing really to our own happiness and comfort, we would not pursue them. Even pain in the short term in order for us to reap the benefit later is pain we endure for our own long term gain. Actually, ‘no pain, no gain’ is a great discipline we all ought to establish early on in this lifetime. There are no qualms here against it. Those who work hard to earn what they have gotten in return is precisely what capitalism and the free market is all about. I cannot say, exactly, that those things are bad, because they are not. But anything stretched to a level of intense passion is a hindrance to spiritual awakening. Although, of course, spirituality itself can quickly become self-worship. That is a topic for another time.
There is a quote here I want to share before I venture further —
"So living in darkness means seeing God minimally desirable, and seeing his creation as maximally desirable. That’s implied in the word “exchanged.” They exchanged the glory of God. When you exchange something, you express your preference. You express your greater desire. And if you prefer God’s creation over God, then you find God less desirable that what you prefer. And that is what it means to be in the darkness. The darkness is where you can’t see things for what they really are. If you see anything as more beautiful, more attractive, more desirable than God, you are in the dark. You are not seeing reality for what it is." - Money, Sex, and Power: The Dangers, John Piper on Romans 1:21-23
Darkness prevents us from seeing. That was the reason why God separated light from darkness, that we may be able to see and flourish in the day, rest in the night. I want to lay off the harsh words, and shift to another tone.
Our world is full of people with misplaced identity, blind people leading the blind. We are constantly groping in the dark, with our eyes wide open but unseeing. Living every single day in the hustle and bustle; living, but not really living. John Piper says “The darkness is where you can’t see things for what they really are… You are not seeing reality for what it is.” Man, ain’t that the truth. And although this isn’t more true now than it has been for the rest of human history, there are a plenitude of new outlets that the Enemy is utilizing. Kids who are losing themselves in social medias, primarily Instagram and TikTok, by a constant influx of fast-pace, indigestible, and overwhelming information that tell them they must be [fill in the blank] and are literally rewiring the brain to begin to think and process differently would certainly be up there as a primary modern evil. There is music that is purposely diverting our attention to depressing and emotionally taxing topics, or failing to capture the reality of life. Over-consuming jobs that keep us from thinking and really living (more on that to be talked about soon in another article). News streams, political agendas, advertisements,
Noise
Noise
Chaos
And ultimately,
Darkness.
We are searching within the world’s finite capacity for happiness because the darkness has kept the truth hidden — that the self-worship we indulge in is because our hearts are fractured into a million tiny pieces, shattered like a so fragile glass. We cannot find all of the pieces, we are crawling in the dark, desperately scrabbling for healing and wholeness, for unification of mind, body, and soul. And we cannot find it, even as we draw nearer and nearer to the cliff’s edge. Self-worship is really an identity crisis. A tragical play, where the heart of the heroine is broken, and she weeps in full sorrow over her dead beloved.
There is a part of our hearts that is completely dead. It does not beat, it does not pump blood into the parts of us that must be reborn. The self-care culture was born as a cure for all heart ailments. But we cannot expect a spiritual problem to be cured by purely material processes. Now, am I saying that there is absolutely no foundational truth in material practices that are meant to help the body and in so doing, the spirit also? No, of course not. Breathing practices, learning the art of being still, reading books that teach us more about humanity’s complexity (and by extension, your own complexity), going to yoga classes, and going for a hike are all impacting spiritual health, certainly. I don’t believe there is really anything at all that can be categorized as purely material. But I replay in my head 1 Corinthians 13 again, and I rephrase it again here: I can have all the good things and all the good qualities of a human being yet still have nothing at all if love and passion for something higher than myself is not at play.
When I reach the end of my life, or just of the day, for heaven’s sake, if I have not loved Christ more than my life’s blood, then I have only served my opposite purpose: to feed into and help wreak chaos, dragging creation back into it’s primordial state before Order began. You think I am using cosmic imagery dramatically? That the Enemy does not watch and wait for the simplest slip up to add to his plan of evil? It does not take a big sin to damn a man — only a small sin he refuses to repent of.
I circle back to what I said, and propose it once more: oughtn’t we to be religious fascists then, and pioneer the new Theocracy? Perhaps we could create a utopia of Christian visionaries who spread hope, love and rainbows through staunch self discipline, severe punishment, and overall excommunicating from the church every man who has ever sinned? No. That is another of the Enemy’s tactics: if one does not work, try two, but don’t dream of there being a number in between. I propose this for my own life’s view, and you may take it or leave it; try it, and see if it won’t send the Enemy running (or pressing harder upon you — either consequence is a show of your trick working): that we become hyperaware of our mental and physical rhythms in life. Take captive every thought, St. Paul said, and he was right.
“When an unclean spirit goes out of a man, he goes through dry places, seeking rest; and finding none, he says, ‘I will return to my house from which I came.’ And when he comes, he finds it swept and put in order. Then he goes and takes with him seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter and dwell there; and the last state of that man is worse than the first.” - Luke 11:24-25
Our hearts are a home. They must be swept, periodically cleaned out, and then guarded swiftly. Spirits that have powers over many areas do not wait to enter until we ask them. They do not wait to tempt, nor to steal or destroy. I don’t want to get into the ‘ology’ of whether or not somebody can be possessed as a born again believer — in short, I don’t believe you can be. Howbeit, there are demons that I believe utilize certain sins and weaknesses to derail us. And those demons do have mercy, they do not know love. Our hearts are constantly being attacked by all spiritual sides. Either our hearts belong to Christ or to the Devil. They cannot belong to anything or anyone else, including ourselves.
Before I close, I want to add one more clarification, so that I might not make anyone stumble or take my words too far or just completely out of context: that is, that there are two different kinds of Satanic worship. One is outright adoration of Satan as a literal being who exists. The other kind is contemporary Satanism, where a person or group believes in Satan as a symbol, an ideology and not a real person. Contemporary Satanism, the kind that seeps under the rug, the kind that lies in wait, is what I am speaking to, although I think that even the most serious Satan worshippers are worshipping themselves too.
Let’s put it another way. All Satan worshippers worship themselves. Not all of those who worship themselves are Theistic Satanic worshippers, who believe that Satan is who they are serving. There are dangers to both sects, and I do not believe for one second that one is less evil.
And before this gets way out of hand, let me clarify even further — I am not really addressing Satan. I am talking about Darkness, Sin, Evil, as a whole idea. I am not addressing the group that outrightly worships a literal incorporeal Satan. I am addressing those that think messing with things that could quickly become tools of Darkness (capital D), should be forewarned; that passions of any kind, certainly the modern ones, are machines that can quite often — but not always — be used by the demonic forces to derail us Christians.
There will be more to come, so if you see missing pieces here, that is why I will be addressing this in another article soon. There is much to be said. And I dare not be prideful enough to say that I will address it all perfectly or fully, because I will not. If there is anything here that I have written that you disagree with or absolutely downright hate, then I will say that I am not a theologian nor a philosopher by trade. I am those things by right because I am a Christian and a Human, as are we all. I won’t apologize, but I humbly ask that you be kind, and that you stick around to see where else I take this, and not take one article to be all that I believe of this topic.
May you be blessed, enlightened, and enriched by these thoughts. I pray your mind be provoked to think deeply and there be a stone left in your shoe.
Today’s source:
“How you are fallen from heaven,
O Lucifer, son of the morning!
How you are cut down to the ground,
You who weakened the nations!
For you have said in your heart:
‘I will ascend into heaven,
I will exalt my throne above the stars of God;
I will also sit on the mount of the congregation
On the farthest sides of the north;
I will ascend above the heights of the clouds,
I will be like the Most High.’
Isaiah 14:12-14